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Monday. 1.7.08 7:10 am
i wish it rained everyday.

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Friday. 11.30.07 4:44 pm
I love rainy days.


I love rainy days so much I'm going to cook a lot!



Happy Birthday my SNOOKUMS.

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stars
Thursday. 11.29.07 2:30 am
When i was in elemantary school, i had a CCD class and i thought this one boy was really cute. I wished on a star one night that he would like me but i didn't really put my heart into it you know. It was just a little silly childish thought i was playing around with. What's crazy is that that boy asked me to go out with him like weeks later. I didn't know what "will you go out with me?" really meant. So i said "I dunno.....i have to ask my mom first." Cuz you know, I was in elemantary school.....and when you go out places you have to ask permission from your mama. I took that question literally hahah i didn't think it meant to be his girlfriend.



I guess he waited for my answer but i never said anything and now we've grown up and whenever we see each other theres like this little electricity between us but we dont go there we just pretend that never really happened. Or at least i do..and that we're just friends. It's funny too becuase he got popular because of his looks and all these girls liked him in high school hahahahahaa. THat's funny. And i bought a ticket to see his band cuz he was trying to sell me a ticket. and i said i would go but i only did it to support his band because i knew i wouldn't make it. He doesn't know that. For all i know, he must think i flaked on him since he told me to really go. but oh well haha. he probably had enough girl attention at the show anyway.



I dunno, i wouldnt go out with him now. I dunno why. I guess i was just surprised that that wish actually came true.



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Failure in the Air
Wednesday. 11.28.07 12:39 pm
Sometimes people think that what they tell you is going to scare you into doing the right thing. Scare tactic right? Sometimes my parents do that. Sometimes it doesn't HELP. Actually it just moves my focus off my goals.

My parents tell me how stupid I am because I don't think things through. That may be true, but at least I'm better off than most people. I am stupid. I have accepted that. But being stupid isn't what I am ALL about. Being stupid is just something I'm good at. There's more to me than being stupid.

I've made the same mistake three times. It's hard for me to learn from my own mistakes. I learn better when it happens to other people. So this is me, the third time, in the same position as I had been in the past 2 years. No growth, no intellect, no insight.


So something has to change this time and I think I should STOP being scared. I should focus more on what I need to do. Shut out the noise from my ears. Harden my outer shell. Freeze my heart. Tune my brain. I can't let these attempts to scare me into making smart decisions ruin my path to becoming a decent person.

It will never be tragedy all the time. It will never be happiness all the time. There's a quiet aftermath and this is it.

I chose to survive. Now it's time to make the best of what I have and what I know.

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whoopsy daisy
Monday. 11.26.07 7:31 pm
The funniest thing happened to me today. When i got home i realized that i forgot my phone in my car. So i decided to just run from my apartment to the car and run back cuz i was feelin energetic. When i was running back i turned the corner and farted. And there was a filipino lady and her daughter walking towards me and she smiled and i smiled back like my shoes made that noise.



hahahah yeah, that's my highlight of the day. now for some daft punk :}

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I'm your favorite book, you take me out when you wanna and leave me on the shelf until you feel like reading me again
Saturday. 11.24.07 1:44 pm
damn. I don't come anywhere near first or second.  So then, where do i stand to you? I'm so lost because I don't know anything except that we still talk but it's nothing anything special. You come over, I come over. And then it all always ends up with the touching. But i guess i don't come anywhere near first or second. That probably explains why you dont say anything that you would say to other girls, thats probably why we smart talk each other alll the time, thats probably why we don't really go anywhere cool like we used to a long time ago except to a clothing store we like. that's why you dont remember any memories.

I'm not even jealous, i don't feel an ounce of it. I just, i guess i'm disappointed? or something. That i know theres someone there thats not me. And i'm not even second too.

So where am i to you? It's like a fuckin mystery. we ARE a fuckin mystery. we're stuck in one place with no paths made for us. I guess we've reached that cliff and it's up to us to build that bridge to the other side and you have to be up to making that bridge with me. But that's never gonna happen because you're head is turned another way.

And you're gonna choose that path because you like that other person more than you like me. I take that back, you have feelings for me but don't like me. The fuck.

I don't even see a new path to look forward to like you do because it always leads to you. .....You don't know that i know about this, but now that there is that someone for you, i just know that i'm not gonna call you or text you like you still expect me to. I'll just leave that up to you now.

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